there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize