I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
These tits shall not be calmed
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
