just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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