The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize