left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
