Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Randomize
