my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize