At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
