Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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