You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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