i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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