Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
