last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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