Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
