i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
