at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
