sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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