woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
