no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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