Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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