Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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