There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
