Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
kristin has been a bad kristin
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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