marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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