i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize