I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
