its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
