He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize