I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
