just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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