And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
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