I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
