dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
