Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Drake has all the answers
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
