i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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