You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize