I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
