I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
