ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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