im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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