you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
