absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
