Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
