mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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