Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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