Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Randomize
