I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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