the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
