I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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