Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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