The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
