I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Im part way to drunk.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
