so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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