That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize