Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
