five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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