Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
