why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
