i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
No stitches, just platelets and will power
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
