just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
