So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
