3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
