I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
