he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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