Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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