Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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