Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
