Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
