I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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