If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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