so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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