he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize