Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
