Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
the raccoons are back...
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