8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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