To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Dear god my vagina.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
