i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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