This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
