i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
