A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
