It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
