??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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