Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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