I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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