Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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