did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
