Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
