part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
