evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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