Hey man sorry I got all grabby
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
