Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
