Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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