i just google imaged poop.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
