your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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