i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
