break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
