Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
organizing the empties. That sober.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Randomize
