She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
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